Category Archives: affair

Tiger Woods’ caddy is a horrible wingman


Tiger Woods' longtime caddy Steve Williams had no idea about the 67 cocktail waitresses his boss should've used the 4-iron with and apparently would've gone public had he known, according to People:
"I'm a straight-up sort of person," Williams told New Zealand's TV3. "If I had known something was going on, the whistle would have been blown."
Though Woods hasn't spoken to Williams since his accident - and subsequent scandal - in November 2009, Williams has been personally affected by his employer's indiscretions.
"Of course I'm mad at him, why would you not be?" Williams said. "I'm close with his wife and he's got two lovely children and he's let them down."
But that doesn't mean Williams doesn't still stand by his boss. "When a guy's having a tough time, it's not up to me to beat him with a stick right now," the caddy said. "He's getting enough grilling from everybody else."
It's probably not the best career move to publicly admit you would've hung Tiger Woods out to dry had you known about his 800 affairs. Seriously, you're a caddy, and last time I checked that means you shut up, carry the man's clubs and toss a hooker in a water hazard if he tells you to. Granted, I've yet to get one to do it myself, that had more to do with me randomly driving my car up onto the green and less about respecting time-honored traditions. Steve.
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Elin Woods re-enters the Tiger


Because diamonds don't come out faucets - at least in the guest house - Elin Woods is moving back in with Tiger Woods. RadarOnline reports:
On Wednesday, Elin and Tiger spent approximately three hours together at the house where they will once again live together. They were in the backyard, and a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively that at one point Tiger kissed Elin on the cheek three times and they hugged.
That shows how far the couple has come from Thanksgiving, when Elin discovered he was having an affair with Rachel Uchitel. That discovery let to an argument, with Tiger leaving the house in the early morning and crashing his vehicle into a fire hydrant and a tree.
I'm sure this had to be a difficult decision for Elin. Going back to the man who humiliated her in front of the entire world or living in a house that doesn't have heated tile floors? It's like something out of a Lifetime movie about overcoming impossible odds. Or pies. I honestly have no idea what any of them are about.
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods made love to pills, too

0218_tiger_smile_00.jpg Realizing the ol' sex addiction routine was about 25 cocktail waitresses past its prime, Tiger Woods has checked himself into an Arizona rehab clinic for addiction to Vicodin and Ambien, according to The National Enquirer:
"In therapy, Tiger blamed a lot of his cheating behavior on his drug addiction, saying that the drugs were responsible for impairing his judgment," a source familiar with the sports superstar's treatment told The ENQUIRER.
The disgraced golfer entered The Meadows on the recommendation of therapists who treated him for sex addiction at the Gentle Path program in Hattiesburg, Miss., said the source.
"After he left Gentle Path, Tiger flew to Arizona for his initial intake interview at The Meadows, which is better equipped to handle rehab for drug addiction and depression."
Right. Because popping a bunch of sleeping pills and painkillers is the reason Tiger Woods loves pussy so much. Before all this he was practically Amish and wouldn't go near Elin's Swedish model vagina except for procreation. And only if she came at him with a cattle prod. Damn you, drugs!
Photo: Getty
Also posted in Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Chris Brown supports Tiger Woods


Somewhere Nike just shit a Cross Trainer. Via E! News:
"My hat goes off to him," Chris says. "I support him. I hope he gets back on the field and does his thing because he is the best at it."
But the chatter doesn't stop there. Without prodding, Rihanna's ex-beau, a self-proclaimed non-troublemaker, offers a comparison to their current dramatic plights.
"I think people always deserve a second chance," he says. "I know my fans gave me a second chance and people gave me a second chance."
In Brown's mind, it's all about what you do in public, not behind closed doors.
"Whatever his personal life is--and I think this goes for me and him--his personal life is his personal life. Nobody has the right to place judgment or make any judgment on somebody else's personal life when they're not directly involved with them," he continues. "He plays golf. That's his sport, that's his hobby, that's his love, that's what people love him for. They don't love him for the other stuff that they talk about. Even with me, I do music, I sing songs, I'm an entertainer, I'm a performer. But people make mistakes."
So let me see if I got this straight: Millions of dollars in hush money to Tiger's mistresses, the largest, most painstakingly scripted press conference on the planet, a Sports Illustrated photographer on staff to take pretend candid photos, but no one thought to toss Chris Brown a pair of solid gold high-tops to never say the words Tiger Woods until 2012? Christ. How do you miss that one? At this point you might as well let Tiger bang hookers on C-SPAN like he asked.
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, chris brown, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods makes Elin apologize to daughter’s school


Because this was entirely her fault, Elin Woods has cosigned a letter of apology to her daughter's school for the increased paparazzi stemming from Tiger's penis. Via E! News:
"We would like to share our appreciation for your support over the past several months and offer our personal apology for any inconvenience you are experiencing due to the increased media scrutiny surrounding our children. We truly understand how frustrating it can be.
"We hope that the paparazzi will find something better to do with their time in the near future. In the meantime, it is our goal to keep life as normal as possible for our children. We are sure that as parents you can appreciate that. For Sam, that normalcy means attending the school that she enjoys so much."
The letter was signed by both Tiger and Elin which makes no fucking sense. It's not like she was sitting around the house going "Hmm. Maybe I should stop my husband from having a bunch of explosive secret affairs I don't know about before it upsets the PTA. -- Eh, fuck it. I'll just have a daiquiri."
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Matthew Fox cheated on this? I don’t believe it.


Matthew Fox has allegedly been cheating on his wife with a stripper from Oregon, according to InTouch:
"I was dancing onstage, and I made eye contact with him immediately. I got so excited," Stefani tells In Touch. Since she was a big Party of Five fan, she recognized him right away -- but she soon found out he was much different from the clean-cut characters he plays. Matthew, Stefani says, started by buying her a drink, then paid for four private dances, each worth $20. "He asked me, 'Why are you working in a place like this?' I told him that I am a single mom and needed the money," Stefani says. "He absolutely did not mention a wife or family, and I don't remember him wearing a wedding ring."
Despite the club's strict rules about dating customers, Stefani left her 5-year-old son with a babysitter and claims she met Matthew later that night at the house he was staying in with his entourage. "We sat around and talked about his show. He complimented me and was saying how down-to-earth I am. He told me he was going to be in town for a couple of days," she tells In Touch. Pretty soon, things heated up. "He didn't tell me to keep it a secret or anything. He didn't even use protection. He didn't seem concerned at all," says Stefani.
I love how these mistresses always come forward and act surprised the married man they had sex with didn't use a condom. IT'S YOUR VAGINA. Clearly some sort of rationalization took place where letting the star of Lost bang you without a rubber outweighed the risk of getting knocked up or an itchy urethra. Otherwise, surprise, you got smoke monstered! (Or raped, whatever you want to call it.)
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Matthew Fox, Photos | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Oh, good. The Whore Parade’s back.


Apparently Joslyn James was the starting shot because several of Tiger Woods' mistresses are already lining up TV appearances to give their response to today's press conference/expressionless script-reading. Here's Jamie Jungers talking to E! News pushing a theme we probably should start getting used to: "He didn't even say my name!" Of course, in fairness to Tiger, I doubt he remembers a single one. Christ, there's like 90: On mistresses having feelings, too: "He's apologizing to these young kids...everybody but the women that were involved in the relationships. It's hurtful. It's rude. He should have apologized to the people like myself, his mistresses, because we're dealing with a lot of stuff too." On Elin Woods: "Once a cheater always a cheater. Is Elin going to stay with him? I would say no, but I don't have kids with him. He would have to do a lot prove you can trust him again. He needs to go to rehab. He should have never got married. He should have never had kids." On being a home-wrecking whore: "I'm not a home-wrecking whore. If it was up to me I would have never done it in the first place, but I was young and stupid. Of course I'm going to feel guilty...I have a heart. But it was years ago. I shouldn't be the one to be blamed for it. He had lied to me about so many things. Everybody makes mistakes." On wanting a personal apology from Tiger: "Enough has been said and done. I don't want to discuss it. I don't want to be known as Tiger Woods' mistress my whole life. I don't want him to contact me or address it. I don't think I would say anything to him. I want it to be done." Of course, Jamie Jungers wants it to be over with. She's simply getting paid to party at all those nightclubs because she's so pretty. Sort of like how Tiger banged for her mind. Video After the Jump
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren, jamie junger, whore talk | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Joslyn James had a press conference, too


Despite the fact her entire family is coming out of the woodwork to say she's a compulsive liar, Joslyn James and her attorney Gloria Allred held their own press conference today in response to Tiger's televised apology, according to E! News:
"I would be open to a telephoned apology from Tiger but I really feel that I deserve to look at him in person, face to face, in the eyes because I did not deserve this," the 32-year-old Top Heavy 4 star said.
James said the Woods statement felt fake.
"An apology, one that was meaningful and that meant something, and I didn't hear none of that," James said. "He's so selfish; it's not about anybody but him. It didn't feel like it was real. "Tiger pursued me over time and I fell in love with him and hold me he loved me," she added, choking up.
While Allred repeatedly mentioned how much emotional distress Tiger caused her client, she said she was not planning to file a lawsuit against the sports icon.
Oh, wow, they're not going to pursue a lawsuit based on the hurt feelings of a porn star caught fucking a married man? How gracious of them considering there's no way they would've lost with that angle. I'm not even on a jury and I'm already sitting here trying to give her money. (Anyone know where you insert the dollar bills on this thing?) Video After the Jump
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren, joslyn james, whore talk | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Of course they do.

0219_tiger_nike_00.JPG To absolutely zero surprise to no one, Nike accepts Tiger Woods' apology. Via TMZ:
"Tiger has apologized and made his position clear. Nike fully supports him and his family. We look forward to him returning to golf."
Wait a minute. Can Nike even accept an apology they made a sweatshop worker write under the watchful eye of their lawyers? NIKE: So, listen, Trang. You get our boy Tiger making millions for hitting a ball with a stick again, and this entire box of Uncle Ben's is yours. TRANG: Will there also be water to boil it? NIKE: TASE HIM! He's gone mad!
Photo: Getty
Also posted in Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods: America’s #1 Golfing Robot


Less than an hour ago Tiger Woods delivered a press conference with about as much emotion as a quarterly stock report at a shareholders meeting. Which let's be honest, was entirely what it was. Here are some of the highlights: - Elin Woods was not there proving her moral code stops somewhere between gold-digging and prop wife. - But Tiger's mommy was there making me feel encouraged that my own mother will be at my press conference whenever somebody finds all the hookers I've been with. (Hint: Don't look in the landfill.) - A bunch of cold, dead words read by an unfeeling robot programmed for golfing and fucking. - Some deflection about the paparazzi following his daughter to school. Because Tiger Woods just became famous in November. - Money and fame made Tiger feel entitled to an unlimited pussy buffet. As it should, commie. - Elin never attacked Tiger. EVER. Now everyone nod their head in agreement. She's perched in the ceiling of the foyer like a ninja. - A bunch of crap about being a role model to kids then saving them with his magic golf powers. - Me realizing Tiger Woods somehow pulled off making Chris Brown's YouTube apology to Rihanna look sincere. I'm sure I'm missing a few points, but this thing was like taking two Xanax then listening to your grandfather describe toast. Full Video After the Jump
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods: Prelude to Bullshit


Not even the Teabag Terrorist can stop the Tiger Woods media circus that's about to unfold shortly. Here's what we know going in: - Tiger is on a "vacation" from sex rehab and will return next week. - Elin was decked out in head-to-toe Nike yesterday and was actually in the same house as Tiger last night. - Their nanny took the children to school this morning, freeing up Elin to attend the press conference should she remember she loves money. So basically a room full of hand-picked reporters are about to spend five painfully-scripted minutes with a non-rehabilitated sex addict and a Nordic killing machine. Haha! Nice try, golf, you're still boring. Live Stream After the Jump
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods looks remorseful


"Damn, I fucked them hookers good. Now watch this drive."
- Tiger Wood's Face, Orlando, FL.
Scope Out (12) Pics of Tiger After the Jump
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Elin Woods wants nothing to do with Tiger press conference


Despite Tiger Woods' handlers urging her to, Elin Woods probably won't be attending his press conference on Friday that's already pissing off the professional golfing world with its shitty timing. PopEater reports:
"It's hard enough for her to try and make this marriage work after what he did to her and their children," an insider tells me. "The last thing she wants to do right now is stand next to him in front of him and the world's press. What message is she sending to her daughter and women and girls around the world."
I find it hard to believe Tiger's people would even want Elin there considering there's a 98% chance she'd produce a battle hammer if he admits to sleeping with a woman she wasn't already aware of. Maybe I fantasize about Elin banging me with a Thor helmet on too much, but you get what I'm trying to say here: She should wear a red cape. NOTE: Added the first public images Tiger's allowed anyone to take since November because nothing proves you're serious about your marriage and golf like jogging. On that note, anyone surprise these aren't encoded to play the theme song to Rocky? Me, too.
Photos: Getty, Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods to bless us with his voice

0217_tiger_woods_00.JPG Tiger Woods is making his first public announcement Friday where he'll pretend to have learned a lesson about whatever he did wrong. He's not paid to remember these things. People reports:
"Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates ... at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida," says the statement from his agent, Mark Steinberg, and his spokesman, Glenn Greenspan. "Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future and he plans to apologize for his behavior."
In an interview, Steinberg tells Bloomberg: "Tiger feels as though it's time to make amends and to publicly do that."
Woods will not be taking questions, Steinberg says. A group of reporters will be allowed to observe.
The Superficial has obtained an exclusive advanced copy of Tiger Woods' speech below: Ladies and gentleman, members of the press, at this time I'd like to address the recent controversies surrounding my private life: Just do it. [Walk off stage. Collect $8 billion check from Nike. Stop leaving hookers alive after having sex with them.] HE'S BACK, BABY!
Photo: Getty
Also posted in Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods is cured!


Tiger Woods has completed his stay in rehab and just wants to get back to making millions of dollars which, when you think about it, is what got him here in the first place. PopEater reports:
Woods, who has not seen his two children for more than a month, has been living in a small cabin and attending group therapy sessions at the clinic, called Gentle Path.
According to the Melbourne Herald Sun, Woods could be back playing competitive golf as early as Feb. 17 at the WGC-Accenture Match Play Championship in Tucson.
"Only a fortnight after allegedly checking into a sex addiction clinic in Mississippi, the world No. 1 is set to stun the world by returning to the Dove Mountain course where he made his comeback from knee surgery last year," according to the newspaper.
Of course anyone who believes Tiger Woods was attempting any kind of rehabilitation is kidding themselves. I'll bet you five cocktail waitresses this was all a front for his lawyers and Elin to talk to some sense into him. TIGER: So you're telling me I could save my family OR drop $80 mil right now, proceed to hemorrhage money for the rest of my life but still bang all the women I want? Interesting... ELIN: *puts on brass knuckles* TIGER: Haha, did I say "interesting?" I meant, when's dinner? -- Sweetheart.
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

This naked woman says Tiger Woods will never change.


Seen here in the pages of Playboy like a good, credible woman, Loredana Jolie thinks Tiger Woods stint in sex rehab won't solve anything. Page Six reports:
"He would engage in sex from 9 p.m. until the sun came up the next morning. But he wasn't a healthy guy. He couldn't sleep and would stay up all night. I am not really sure rehab for sex addiction will help him," Jolie told Page Six yesterday.
"Tiger's sexual fantasies were not normal," the wannabe author says. "He likes role-playing, he likes to be the guy in control and wearing a suit while there are girls performing girl-on-girl and guys entertaining guys. By that, I mean they would dance for each other like girls would do for a man."
So basically Tiger Woods likes to pretend he's James Bond. Who the fuck doesn't? The other day I shot a stripper with a cuff-link dart. Okay, maybe I roofied her drink then made "pew pew" sounds while holding my wrist, but my point is the bouncers laughed when they tossed me out. Anyway, long story short, naked woman is right: Tiger Woods can't be cured - because he's normal.
Photo: Playboy
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren, loredana jolie | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods’ wife calling off divorce


Apparently Tiger Woods is doing an awesome job convincing Elin Woods her vagina is enough for his $80 billion penis because she's reportedly halting divorce talks, according to RadarOnline:
Elin spent last week visiting Tiger, and participating in his sex addiction rehab treatment, RadarOnline.com reported exclusively.
And while Elin had made up her mind to dump her husband after he was linked to more than 14 women and his secret life of cheating revealed, time - and Tiger's actions - have caused her to call off the divorce for now.
She returned to Orlando Sunday night by private jet after spending last week with Tiger. "She was happy when she came home," a source told RadarOnline.com exclusively. "Things went well."
Elin has not filed divorce paper but has explored her options. Tiger sought treatment to save his marriage and so far it's working, the source said.
I think I speak for everyone when I say of course sex rehab is working for Tiger. He fucked the entire world. Seriously, who's left at this point? He'd have to wait for aliens to initiate first contact and I'm pretty sure Jersey Shore ruined the chance of that ever happening.
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

The Tiger Woods Crash: What Really Happened


Gerald Posner of The Daily Beast was on Today this morning where he recounted the story of what really happened the night of Tiger Woods' crash. As told through a veil of speculation and anonymous sources. Via Us Magazine:
Before the Thanksgiving crash, the sources tell Posner that Woods, 34, gave Elin, 30, advance warning that the National Enquirer was about to run a story claiming that he had an affair with NYC club manager Rachel Uchitel.
He swore to Elin that the story was false and that he had only met Uchitel once or twice at social outings. Elin remained suspicious, the sources say.
The day before Thanksgiving, as Internet rumors began to spread, Woods convinced Uchitel to talk to Elin. They had a 30-minute chat. After the conversation, Elin believed the relationship was platonic, the sources say.
But on Thanksgiving, Elin learned some of the Enquirer's specifics about the purported affair and an argument ensued. To end the bickering, both sources confirm that Woods took Ambien to fall asleep.
While asleep, Elin looked through Woods' cellphone, both sources tell Posner. She found Uchitel's number (she was listed under her real name) and found a text that read, "You are the only one I've loved."
Shortly after 1 a.m. in Florida, she began texting Uchitel, pretending to be Woods, according to both sources. She wrote, "I miss you," and asked, "When are we seeing each other again?"
Uchitel texted back.
At that point, Elin called Uchitel, who answered thinking it was Woods calling.
Both sources say that Elin said something along the lines of: "I knew it was you."
"Oh f--k!" a surprised Uchitel blurted out and hung up, one source says.
Enraged, Elin woke up Woods by screaming at him. He was disoriented, still in a stupor from the Ambien, the source says.
According to the sources, Elin began hitting him on the chest and arms with her fists, and then finally chased him from the house wielding a golf club. Shoeless, he ran into the car and barreled out of the driveway before careening off a fire hydrant and then smashing into a tree, Posner reports.
Neither source knew the details of how the rear windows in the Escalade were knocked out. One source says Woods lied to police by telling them that his wife smashed them in an attempt to free him from the wreck; he wanted to protect her.
On a brighter note, Elin supposedly visited Tiger at a rehab clinic in Mississippi this weekend where I can only assume she pulled a sock full of golf balls out of her purse then dared him to try and touch her breasts. "If we're going to fix this marriage, it's time to get serious about curing your sex add- WHACK! Was that seriously a dollar bill in your hand?" Video After the Jump
Photos: Splash News
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods gets in on this Haiti action

0114_tiger_woods_00.JPG If you consider Russell Simmon's Twitter a reliable source, Tiger Woods is supposedly sending a plane full of medical supplies to Haiti presumably to atone for his wandering cock:
I heard tiger woods donating to send a cargo plane with a mobile hospital out there. Keep ur prayers high!
Tiger woods is doing something AMAZING!!!!
Really? A flying hospital? That's it? What a fucking cheapskate. C'mon, Tiger, you've got enough money to buy these people a brand new earthquake-proof island. Or, shit, give them one of the ten you barely even use. Trust me, they're not gonna care if it's covered in panties, champagne bottles and shallow graves that smell of shower curtains. We'll get some brooms. - DONATE $10 to the RED CROSS by texting HAITI to 90999 -
Photos: Getty
Also posted in Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.

Tiger Woods doesn’t get free cars anymore. Why, God? WHY?!

0113_tiger_woods_00.JPG General Motors has decided not to renew its agreement with Tiger Woods that allowed him to drive several free vehicles including the Escalade Elin Woods would've split in two with her bare hands had the authorities not shown up. USA Today reports:
Even though Woods' endorsement contract for GM's Buick brand ended in 2008, Woods had been allowed to keep several vehicles, including the Cadillac SUV and reportedly a Buick Enclave crossover, for his personal use. But the agreement that allowed the world's richest professional golfer access to those new vehicles ended Dec. 31, said Buick spokeswoman Dayna Hart. The agreement was in place before the crash.
For anyone who actually feels the least bit of sympathy over this news, Tiger Woods could sell his snot on eBay for a million dollars just to buy 20 cars to prop up an old desk in his garage. Just the other day I saw him throw a LeSabre at a squirrel that was chewing on his bird feeder.
Photo: Getty
Also posted in Photos, Tiger Woods, elin nordegren | Leave a comment

via The Superficial - Because You're Ugly.